The one time I feel most alone and insecure is around groups of women.
Feeling like an outsider in mum’s groups, at the gym and in new social situations.
And looking back on my life it’s been pretty consistent, starting young.
School was the peak of torturous social uncertainty. In one day, out the next.
But instead of leaving it behind like bubble skirts and corduroy pants, the feelings followed me into adulthood.
I notice how easily other women connect with each other.
In my head, I’m making up some bs story like ‘look how they’re chatting with each other and I’m over here all by myself. Yeah no bloody wonder cos I’m so weird/quirky’.
Which of course reinforces my feeling of not belonging.
And faaark the need to belong is strong for us humans.
And I reckon the drive to connect – especially for women – is just as strong.
Am I in or out? Am I accepted or rejected? Do you like me or not? Am I part of the group or by myself?
And going by the number of women I’ve spoken with over the years, I’m not alone.
It’s hard to admit but sometimes it’s a struggle, the feelings that are kicked up when we’re in groups (especially new groups) of women.
Even when they’re saying nothing to us – or especially when they’re saying nothing to us.
Where the eff do we start when the inner Mean Girl is having a field day. Character assassination anyone?
I’ve noticed my own niggles of insecurity and outsider feelings over the years and have gotten better with strategies of awareness and gentle inquiry.
Starting with noticing (that super power in times of mind-f*ckery).
What’s actually going on here? What do I need? Is this a group that’s important to me? Is there an individual I can connect with?
(Aka Compassionate Curiosity).
And – pulling out the big guns – thinking about the women in my life who truly love me.
Because the truth is I never feel this way around people who know me well.
And I remind myself it’s not about the other women. People are going to people.
The stories I’m making up might be true.
But they also might not be.
There is one person I have responsibility for.
There is one person I need to love up and guide through these vulnerable moments.
Same for you, yeah?
You know who she is.
This f*cking awesome Midlife Rebel🔥
I’d love to hear your experiences and how you manage these moments!
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