Dating in Midlife
- Robyn Patton
- Aug 13
- 2 min read
It was a few years after my first marriage ended before I started dating.
I mean, there really wasn't even this thing called dating when I was a young 'un. It was just something they did in American movies and tv shows.
Can I tell you how shit scared I was at the beginning. My goodness and what the hell. Talk about courage in midlife.
I was in my late 40's and all I had to rely on was...what? my wonky attachment style, unmet needs, past hurts and stories, mixed bag of insecurities and god knows what else lurking in my psychic shadows.
Yeah I had it all going on.
So I did some courses and I did some workshops. All hoping they would help me understand myself and other people and where I went wrong in the past and what I needed to fix and how I could improve myself as a potential partner.
But I'm telling you, it wasn't till I got out there 'in the arena' as they say that shit got real.
Oof.
One relationship triggered all my 16 year old self's lack of worthiness and desperation to be loved. It was a headlong dive into 'heal your past shit or risk repeating this heartbreaking, soul crushing pattern for all eternity'.
It was wobbly there for a while.
But all along I did two things -
☞ I journalled the crap out of what I wanted from a relationship and from a partner.
☞ And I kept tweaking that damn dating profile like a new graduate updates her resume.
(oh and I kept 'doing my work'. Lord, when does it end? Seriously, when does it ennnnnnd?😫)
Eventually I went on a first date that was the last first date. With a man who intrigued me from the jump and mercifully did not activate my 'oh dear good you are perfect, we must be together immediately, why are you so funny, why are you so handsome, stop it you're the best' (aka limerance).
Second marriages have some horrific divorce stats which I refuse to google. And sure, two 50 year olds coming together is more like two large corporations merging rather than a fresh young start up company. We got baggage, is what I'm saying.
But thank goddess I chose someone who is as committed to feeling, healing and dealing as I am (sometimes more so).
That's a long way of saying, if you're looking for connection I see you. Don't give up on yourself. Or other people. Do your work. Know your worth. Keep going. Second – or third – time love in midlife is possible.
PS You can take a look at my dating profile, the final version before it was retired, here >
(yes, you need to sign up cos I don't want every tom dick and harry seeing it)
xxx Robyn
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