How do you leave when staying is easier?
- Robyn Patton
- Jan 1
- 3 min read
I just sent a text to my ex-husband wishing him and his partner a Happy New Year.
Last week, the four of us shared a Boxing Day dinner - him, me and our two daughters.
He's in my life, and I'm proud of where we are today.
But.
I stayed in my first marriage for many reasons. If I’m honest, one of them was that it was easier to stay than to leave.
Fear of the unknown kept me locked in. Because leaving meant change on every level...financially, emotionally, physically.
Change, hey. It can be a scary mofo.
As we step into a new year, I’m wondering if you’re sitting with a change of your own. Maybe in your relationship, your work, where you live, how you live.
Here’s what I reckon, all things considered (for relationships, I’m not talking about abusive situations...I’m talking about places where you still have some choice and agency) -
No one else can tell you when it’s time. This is deeply personal. Yes, people will have opinions. But learning to trust your own timing, instincts and inner knowing is everything.
Which leads me to…
Build trust in your inner guidance. There is wisdom there, I promise. Even when it nudges instead of shouts.
And also…
Seek support. Listen to those who’ve walked the path before you. Let someone walk alongside you.
The way I eventually left my marriage is a wild story. I shared it at Seven Sisters Festival during my Courage in Midlife workshop. It’s one I prefer to tell in person, where I can ask for tenderness and respect.
(I'm back at Seven Sisters this March with Courage in Midlife. Love to see you there).
Our stories are all different. But they share something important.
Midlife often stirs a desire for more, or better or different. And alongside it, a willingness to risk the unknown and step towards it.
But it requires courage.
The first words my oldest friend said when I rang her to tell her I was leaving were an acknowledgement of that courage.
He was a good man. There was no obvious lead-up. No warning signs to anyone else. It came out of the blue.
For him. And honestly, for me too.
Midlife has a way of doing that. It peels away what is no longer for us and what we’ve been tolerating.
What I discovered is leaving wasn’t the end...it was the beginning of a long return to myself.
There was no fast track to finding my second husband. There was grief, recalibration and some honest reckoning about what I’d tolerated and what I truly wanted.
I learned how to trust myself again and how to be alone without abandoning myself. I learnt how to choose from alignment and not fear.
From there, a different life took shape.
I couldn't see the bigger picture at the time but I was building my life based on my values. I was learning who I was and what I wanted and deserved. I fell over and got up.
The relationship I’m in now didn’t come from rushing or fixing.
It came from 'doing the fucking work' (as a Coach said to me many years ago with her finger pointed at me) and willingness to risk love again, this time from a place that reflected all of me.
That’s what midlife gave me. Not certainty but a life that fits. (Check out my TEDx The Power of Midlife Rebellion)
May you find the strength, support and courage to babystep towards whatever change is beckoning you this year.
Wishing you peace and ease in 2026
xxx Robyn
PS I work with women in midlife who are standing at the edge of change, sometimes ready, sometimes just curious. If that’s you, you’re welcome to reach out and see if walking together feels right.
Love to know your thoughts! Share in the comments below.
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