Ending my marriage taught me this

Robyn Patton
Nov 6
2 min read

Leaving my marriage - well, my husband - was one of the most difficult and terrifying things I've ever done.

I sobbed to my friend Jen 'I'm so scared, I'm so scared, I'M SO SCARED'.

The sheer terror of the unknown - what would happen to me? what have I just done? What about my kids? - settled within me like a rock.

For the next two years, nothing really changed...from the outside. We lived separately under the same roof, less a well thought-out plan, more a reflection of my fear about what next.

Till I knew and was ready.

Sell the house and start to move on. None of it looked particularly traditional (we ended up living side by side so the girls could flow between the two places) but once the fear dissolved I was free.

Through this I learnt the power of compassionate curiousity.

It’s a mindset, yet more than that.

I feel it as soft and gentle, rather than harsh and fearful.

I lean into it when I feel my inner Mean Girl appears. You know those voices that tear you down, judge you hard or show you the worst case scenario in technicolor detail?

Compassionate curiousity soothes me like nothing else, and honestly it’s one of my favourite things to share with clients.

It starts - like lots of good things - with awareness. Noticing. Then slowing down, and moving from shame, judgement or fear to curiousity.

Which part of you needs extra tenderness? What else might be going on? What might it feel like to be kind to yourself in this moment?

COMPASSIONATE CURIOUSITY

I like to think it’s one of my super powers. I no longer get stuck in thoughts of my awfulness, ineffectiveness or cowardice (list goes on) but can move into possibility, tenderness, spaciousness.

Where in your life might feel soothed by a dose of compassionate curiousity?

Take good care of you