A woman I follow shared her dating profile recently and I thought it a vulnerable, generous thing to do.
There's definitely a part of me that's curious about how others present themselves online. And there's nothing more unique than your dating profile.
I'm married now to the person who responded to my dating profile. I'm sharing it with you so you can take a peek inside the mind of this Midlife Rebel. It's one of the most vulnerable things I can imagine sharing, so please read it lightly and be gentle with any judgements you might have.
Over the years I was online dating, I updated my profile multiple times. I treated it like a resume, tweaking it whenever something occurred to me (usually in the shower!). It was a work in progress, just like me. That's my first tip - keep updating your profile as you learn more about yourself and what you want.
Reading it back, over 3 years later, I feel a softness towards the woman who wrote it. She was brave, took risks and continued to evolve.
Ok - here goes ...
Years ago a woman I was working with on my own personal growth and development, pointed her finger straight in my face and said "do the f**king work" So I did. And now it's how I live. Shadow self, the stories I tell, past wounds, triggers...what do I need to do in order to be free and live a freaking awesome life?
Some shifts and insights for me have been
Knowing that my past relationships sit in my heart and the idea of being 'over someone' is like being over love. But my work is awareness - what belongs in the here and now, what belongs in the past? (I'm curious how you talk about your ex's too)
Owning what my needs are...and not relying on my partner to be a mind reader. It's scary though to identify and own my needs. My heart loves a safe space to be vulnerable and open.
Unhooking from the mainstream dialogue of fear and lack. Therefore I don't own a tv or radio, read newspapers or engage in conversations that promote more fear or lack.
As much as the work I've done (therapy, courses etc) has helped me live with more awareness, my intimate relationships are another massive growth opportunity...and I welcome it. Bring your tools, I'll bring mine and let's grow together!
My feminine essence loves to flow, be playful, receive, connect, communicate. I love my partner's mature masculine essence as a different force of nature...together it's delicious...;)
PS I'm also a bit Witchy...
My Perfect Match
I bring a big open heart as well as curiosity, loyalty, playfulness and a commitment to do the work. I'm seeking a partner and lover who has made that commitment to himself. Who has powerfully moved beyond ordinary levels of existence, complaint, conditioning, limitations.
Oh, and you're ok being teased. Occasionally.
(I like 'The Way of the Superior Man' by David Deida if for nothing else a reminder of the deliciousness of sexual polarity).
Must be: non-smoker, living in Victoria. Healthy lifestyle a priority (I rarely drink).
If I don't reply, my intention is not to be rude. I either feel we won't have a connection or I'm currently chatting to someone.
My Ideal Date
Can be as simple as a cuppa...
(For another time, here are some things I love - peanut butter, dark chocolate, travelling, pleasure, meditation, cooking, road trips, adventures, not buying more stuff, love, seeing my kids evolve, sinking into snuggles, cuddles and kisses, heartfelt connections, being naughty, being good, gratitude, best friends, laughing...especially at the absurdity and wonderfulness of life).
Dating was an amazing experience, full of both heart-opening and heart-breaking moments.
Throughout it all, I learned phenomenal tools like the importance of closure (I was the Queen of the Completion Cuppa so hit me up if you want simple tips on how to complete even the shortest relationships!).
I didn't just want a relationship, I really really wanted a relationship. And not just a relationship for the sake of it, I wanted a particular type of relationship.
This took a lot of learning, sifting and growth. The more experiences I had, the clearer I was on what I wanted. And there was my profile - a tiny piece of me out in the interwebs - attempting to capture in a few words what I could speak about for hours.
I see now I was looking for a sacred partnership, joining together with another human where I could continue to grow and evolve, be challenged and supported.
It took a bit of time, a few tears (ok lots of tears) but I'm happy to report that I got what wanted :) That profile was the beginning of one journey and the end of another.
Whether you're single, dating or in a long-term relationship life is not over in midlife, it's just beginning.